I’ve been reading, digesting even, more words on life’s most sought after pursuit recently. There may well be more column inches written on chasing a fortune and pursuing women, but that’s only because they are seen as paths to this greater end. It’s that grand goal with blurred, seemingly undefinable, edges. We catch it in flutters. I approach the phrase with a little bit of caution, as it places me in the sphere of over sold self-help. It’s how to have a happier life.

I remember an old conversation with a friend. He was telling me that I certain kind of addiction to conversations with people about what they’re doing and enjoying in life. He was smoking or about to get high at this point in time. I don’t quite remember. One of his vices. Anyway, he was right. I do like this. I’d found that traveling was a recurring theme – no one had ever told me they had regretted it. They might only tell me, with a drop of their shoulders, that they regretted not doing it. Ask me about the sad late night pharmacist.

A couple of years back I felt like I was in too much of a routine. I was underwhelmed by the idea that I was already on a career that could take me onwards to retirement. It paid well, but I was 24, I craved some wider horizons. Whatever they might be. So I took unpaid leave, and plotted my own vague course of travel. Not to find myself, just to find those other things and other places that I might be interested in. There would be a few months in South America picking up some Spanish, and some steps across those other places I wanted to start getting to know: the States, Australia, China. I’ve written about it all a lot on this website. The end result – as I finally placed my bags down a one year after I set off – was that I had stepped across all seven continents and found myself relocating to job at the very bottom of Europe, to Gibraltar.

As someone else told me, I’d become driven by a sense of self-improvement. There were carefully labored reasons for relocating overseas. Essentially a promotion for the job role. More money. More outlet for ambition. Getting to know Spain, and picking up more Spanish. A chance to see how I stand on two feet in a different country. I knew I’d miss London – the city I’d called home for 5 years – it’s people and it’s endless distractions. But my mind had been shaken up, I decided to take the interesting job offered.

Over the course of all this movement I found out some things: that it was great to have my head filled with so many new histories and world views, that I liked to learn languages, and that I got a kick from hearing stories from those native to the corners of my view of the globe. But I also discovered that the life of a nomad isn’t a straight road to contentment. I miss it when I don’t have a good crowd of people around me; no old friends. I also know that I like to work. To have some big projects to persevere at, to learn from, and to better something with. Traveling for travelings sake no longer became enough. And I don’t enjoy of lots of uncertainty. I can be indecisive about decisions. Like most of us, I get anxious when I have lots to make. It’s even harder when you’re away from your old support network.

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Over the past couple of years I totally changed things up in my life. I spent a small housing deposit on traveling the globe (Antarctica didn’t come cheap!), and reallocated overseas, all in pursuit of a more interesting and fulfilling couple of years. I’ve gained a lot from all of this, but I’ve lost some things too. Some of the books I’ve read have crystallised these thoughts. What I’ve gone through is far from unique. There are some recurring themes in the writing of others, irrespective of whether your motivation is better health, a job promotion, or all around contentment. (A few of these reads are at the bottom of the page). I’ve tried to take note.

I’ll get on with the substance now. Five themes for a happier life:

1. Surround yourself with great people

Life is contagious. Ideas, humor, motivation. They can all rub off on you. Spend time with your friends, only go to those events with the right type of people for you. Make extra time for the good people in life. Laugh collectively. Love those closest to you. Find some extra inspiration through theirs.

Work at all of this. Bring great people together and watch their chatter grow into something better. Make a strong social effort for these people, overly one sided friendships are hard to sustain. And Whatsapp chat and Facebook don’t count. Friendships are sustained in person (if distance makes this impossible than speak on the phone or Skype instead), and by entertaining with the aid of things they like to do.

A phone notification is addictive, but it’s only physical interactions that truly ease our mind and our biology. We’re all slaves to our body chemistry. For example, when we hug or kiss someone, or in moments of empathy, Oxytocin is released through the body. It triggers a relaxation response, a happier response. There is also the idea of limbic resonance. We only experience this when we have face-to-face interaction with other humans. Our brain chemistry, our nervous system and biology are affected by the strength of these interactions. They facilitate pleasure, empathy, and reduce emotional states of fear, anxiety, and anger. We’re social animals. We need one another.

If you don’t think that there are enough great people in your life yet, well you know what attributes you’d like them to have, go to the events where these attributes will be present. And those “right” events are not necessarily corporate networking events, as tempting as the free booze is. I trust you to find them. Try a website like meetups.com if your stuck for ideas.

Also, be ruthless. If there are people around you that do the opposite of these good things, this is contagious too. If they lack the motivation for the better things in life, see less of these people. Steadily cut them out.

Find yourself a mentor or two. Someone older, someone you respect, someone that’s accomplished what you’d like to do. Be honest, tell them you’re like to understand everything about how they got there. You can’t underestimate the power of mentors and in your life. No one is truly self made, they all learn and gain help from others.

I’m living in a small place at the moment. I miss the opportunity to have this great crowd around me the most.

2. Live well (physically)

Sleep. Exercise most days a week. Eat well.

Sleep as much as you need. We hear stories about those people that only sleep 4hrs a day. But these aren’t most people. The could be lying. They’re probably psychotic. They always seem to be very highly strung. When I’m sleep deprived my productivity goes down, my social appetite decreases, my creativity levels go way down, my anxiety levels go up. Caffeine is just a short term, shallow, jittery fix to this. It’s good to be well rested. Only you know how much sleep you need. Work at this. Take sleep hygiene seriously.

Exercise most days a week. It’s one of the best mood enhances out there. At least 30 minutes to get you heart racing. Endorphins are released into our body, they make us feel better, more positive. But even walking is fantastic. For your thoughts just as much as your body. As I’ve been told, no creative person ever complained that they walked too much. A lack of exercise is a definite dampener on my optimism, my productivity, and my ability to sleep well. Yet I often fall out of the habit. Don’t do what I do.

Eat well. You know when you don’t. Eating unhealthily makes you more lethargic. The fluctuation of blood sugar levels can make you feel more on edge. A lack of the right vitamins and minerals more prone to being ill. Pay some more attention to your diet. Start the day with a good breakfast to put you on the right path. Friends I know that have gone vegan preach on feeling better from it. You don’t have to go that far, but do try to eat in a more natural and balanced way.

3. Mindfulness (being in the moment)

Talks by health professionals, modern self-help, age old Buddhist texts. This is a topic often at the centre. The ubiquity of this topic shouldn’t be ignored. I find the vast majority of my head space taken up by reliving memories, with daydreams of fictional futures, and – most counter-productive – scattered worries about a dozen unfinished future obligations. None of this is particularly productive. It is nice to relive old memories sometimes. But only sometimes.

When we sit worrying, we trigger adrenalin and the flight or flight response. This might have been more readily useful to our ancient ancestors, but when we’re in our modern environment and sitting at a desk or lying a bed it’s not a useful response. It’s uncomfortable, it puts us on edge. We’re a slave to our bodily chemicals. But knowing these we can use to our moods advantage. Accept the uncomfortable reactions as a normal motivating force of nature. And do more of the things that release the good chemicals. Oxytocin, endorphins etc

So what does mindfullness mean?

Step 1 is just to unravel what your thinking about. Notice these scattered thoughts and worries. Make the more tangible. What’s really there? It can be god to write them down sometimes. Something has to be defined for you to write it down, it helps. Actively engage these thoughts. If they’re particularly anxious ones, notice what effects they’re having on your body. It’s all totally normal. Importantly, don’t hide away from these thoughts. Confront them.

Step 2 is to put these thoughts to one side. You’ve noticed there then, now just co-exist with them. Meditation, spirituality, modern cognitive therapy, simply taking more moments to breath as they’re there – notice your breathing! – and look around you. There are many ways to be in the moment more, feel free to pick your own path.

Step 3 is to engage in something else. Put yourself into an activity that takes all your attention. It might be meditation, but if you’re like me, it probably won’t be. It could be any activity. Talking to someone, real listen to what they’re saying, is my favourite. Exercise. It’s also been quite zen typing this paragraph, feeling my fingers touch typing across the keys, focused only on the next couple of words. Somedays I might only get close to becoming happy when I’m actively doing something. Other days, not even then, as obligations feel too heavy. But at least I feel better for accomplishing something.

Personally, I’m no Buddhist. I crave the big city life. The ambitious people, the culture, all those new places TimeOut promotes. But at least I’m mindful of this. And I’m trying to be more mindful of other things.

4. Teaching, spreading knowledge

There is a common thread through the things I’ve read and the TedX talks I’ve watched recently. It’s not necessarily about enriching your life. It’s also about getting ahead in the work place or being able to accomplish more professionally. That’s taking the time to spread the knowledge that you’ve gained.

Professionally, people value those that spend the time to help them out. It’s also the only way that most people are ever going to recognise the knowledge you might have. We also have the tendency to want to repay those who have given us their time and their help.

There is also something to be said for fulfillment. It’s knowing what you have to give to others, then doing it. Where you’re able, become a mentor to others.

5. Gain exposure to new and better things

This is my long stayer. In my decision to travel, it was the only theme I really gave much heed to nurturing. I don’t believe in too much routine. It diminishes our memories and makes our lives feel shorter.

Do new things, try something that makes you think differently, do something outside of your comfort zone and do that thing until you’re comfort zone has expanded around it. Meet new people. Live a little bit more. It’s a great way to engage. You can never be on autopilot if you’ve attempting the unfamiliar. Your brain works harder. You remember more. It enriches your memories and your life.

You don’t necessarily need one big goal, that dramatic purpose in life. Most people that have ever lived have never been quite sure that they’ve found theirs. Start smaller, do a couple of things you enjoy, and a couple of others that you learn from.

You’ll figure out those things you are better at – sometimes it’s linear, sometimes it’s tangential, sometimes it’s something completely different. Try all of those directions. Especially the completely different things. You don’t know what you might learn.

Be diversified in life. Our thoughts get too narrow if we’re overly focused on one thing. Our worries and our anxieties too repetitive. We won’t have as many great people around us as we could have.

It’s good for our brain to learn new things. A language, an instrument, cook a new recipe, any new skill. Scientists write that it helps to ward of Alzheimer’s. It also keeps us creative and open minded in ways we can’t predict.

You can learn just as much from the big mistakes of others as your own wins. Those things we choose not to do are often the biggest and longest lasting regrets. Don’t fill you life with “what-ifs”.

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Some longer reads

Choose yourself

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Happiness: a guide to developing life’s most important

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